Small Magic Moments with Alice
Dear you, magical human,
Alice brings pure magic TO camp. We are so lucky to have them
Yesterday I saw four baby foxes climb a mound of dirt one by one to stare at me and my roommates. Last week the news was released that in-person programming at camp would be suspended for this summer. Camp has been a part of my life since I was nine and it’s given me so much. It’s been my staple, the center that the pointy part that anchors the compass while I draw out the circle that is the rest of my year. I haven’t let it fully hit me yet that this summer wouldn’t be spent hanging out with some of my favorite people and feeling inspired and rejuvenated by cool kids, but I know my heart hurts. I also know that I’d feel deeply unsettled if we pushed for in-person programming to happen this summer. I would feel anxious and guilty and I would have stress dreams, the whole shebang. It would feel very wrong and I probably wouldn’t be doing the best job as a counselor. Not running in-person programming doesn’t feel good either, by any means, but if I decenter my emotions, I know it’s right.
So foxes! I watched them for like half an hour? Being cute and fearless and climbing on each other and looking at me? In that moment, I felt so much hope. A big part of this could be that my soul is directly impacted by cuteness, but I think it was objectively a small magic moment.
Big magic moments at camp can look like night games or goofy and impulsive adventures. They can look like the closing ceremony or like Ray playing the camp song. They can feel like the climb up to the fire tower. Big magic moments are incredible and an important talking point during our staff training. For me, big magic moments are about feeling some sort of pleasant overwhelm and feeling surrounded by charisma and a poetic unison. Big magic moments happen all the time at camp and make me feel unstoppable and confident and like BOOM! BAM! (I trust that you get the sentiment). Big magic moments make me feel invincible and like I’m in good hands and like there are no wrong moves. I think that big magic moments happen TO us and camp is so wonderful because of the network of beautiful and kind and radically empathetic people who are there, dedicated to making them happen to us.
Alice leads options for Hometown Stomping Ground! Join us?
So what is a small magic moment? This is a 12:32 a.m. working definition here, but I think a small magic moment is a moment in which we find the magic. We are with our friends and the light hits just right and there’s a rainbow on one of their faces that we choose to notice. We have a heartfelt text exchange with someone we were never sure liked us. We look at friends and families and partners and let ourselves feel all of that vulnerable trust and caring and warmth and pure love. Laura comes across four baby foxes and runs back frantically to bring us to them so we can see too. I think that small magic moments are at camp too, when we check in with one another and when we feel empowered after successfully taking on some form of leadership. I feel myself getting list-heavy here so I’ll leave it to you to fill in the blanks about small magic moments at camp! The point is that small magic moments aren’t like the big ones in the way that they are extrinsic. Rather, you have to meet the magic where it is. It won’t wash over you and, instead, you lean in, reach out, and brush up against it. And in small magic moments, you can connect to yourself and to feelings of groundedness. Those baby foxes do NOT care about the pandemic and, as much as I do and as much as I grieve my lost opportunities and other people’s even bigger losses, I spent a timeless thirty minutes feeling so peaceful and seeing an experience outside my own. It felt like proof of the fact that there is an After, a time in which this pandemic will be over. There’s an After for you and for me and for camp and it might be tough and messy but it’s there. Small magic moments are harder maybe, because they leave room for other emotions. We can feel a small magic moment when we are mourning or when we feel despair. To me, it feels dualistic and dualistic feelings are hard to grapple with and to understand. However, I think that they serve us in terms of growth and awareness. They make us reflect and face our values and they make us zoom out to the bigger picture, which include the After. Small magic moments happen everywhere and I’m making a conscientious choice to meet them and see them. I want to be reminded of the fact that there’s a moment in which we’ll embrace again and in which camp will happen. I want to be reminded of the big magic moments to come! I’m so excited for the next time I’ll be able to frolic in costumes with friends during a night game and make like a bajillion friends at once while stumbling through an outrageous activity I want so badly to be good at leading!! (Not my forte, sorry friends). I want to share big magic moments with my friends and with you and with your friends and, until then, I’m going to take in all of these small magic moments in my solitude and within my five person quarantine household.
I wish you health and joy and, big magic moments if you get to have them! I also wish you a plethora of small magic moments.
With all of the love my sleepy heart can muster, Alice
P.S. Let me know if you see any posting of foxes that need homes and can’t survive in the wild for some reasons. Because WOW. CUTE.